Why do you feel disappointed?

This article has been amended from Episode 68 of The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast. If you'd prefer to listen to it then you can here. You can also watch it on YouTube here.

Hi, welcome along to the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast Blog. I am Dr. Marianne Trent and I'm a qualified clinical psychologist. So the first week of interviews for the clinical doctorate have happened, which means that from this week onwards we might well be expecting, we are expecting the first people to get their notifications about whether they're being offered places, whether they're being offered reserve places, or whether they are being told. Thank you, but not yet. And you know, a whole array of feelings can be experienced as a result of that. Most definitely. If it is a no thank you, not yet, then some of those feelings you're experiencing might be complicated, painful, and jagged. And yeah, as humans, it's not only ourselves that can find it unsettling when dealing with those painful, complicated feelings, but also those around us as well. Either because it makes them feel uncomfortable or because it distresses them to see you experience them.

And we can feel disappointment about all sorts of things like big and small. You know, on a very small scale, I feel a bit disappointed that I worked quite hard on my hair this morning. It was beautifully curly. And then our lovely spring weather in the UK means that I've been caught in a rainstorm, caught in squally winds. And it's just, you know, it's not how I planned for this to go. It's not how I imagined it all to work out. And that is a very small scale problem. You know, it's a nicer problem to have, isn't it? But on a larger scale, disappointment can feel really, really difficult, you know? And sometimes people will say to us, especially for job stuff, especially if you've had an interview for something or if you've even been turned down for an interview for something, sometimes people will say,

"well, you can't really be upset cos you never had it! You know, it was never yours!"

To that I say 'bunkum' to that. I say 'codswallop' to that. I say, well utter rubbish. Because with our fantastically tricky human brains, we begin to imagine the things that we are going for coming to fruition. We begin to plan the moves, we begin to plan, you know, how that's gonna feel, how exciting it's gonna be. You know, and we only applying for these things because you really want them, you know, or sometimes you apply for things you don't really want and then you get offered it and you're like, oh, let's made me realise I didn't want that.... just kind of did it speculatively. But often, and most of the time when we apply for things, it's because we really want it. And I think the thing with psychology is, is that you are often seeing people who are celebrating the thing that you might be commiserating.

You know, for your average job interview, you're not having to actually find out ever who got the role. Whereas if it's a specific course that you've applied for and you've been told 'no thank you, not yet,' then you might well on LinkedIn or Instagram or Twitter, see someone celebrating their win about getting on that course and that would've potentially been your future cohort mate. You know? And it's really difficult because then our comparisonitis creeps in as well. And I just wanna send you some love really. And you might even feel disappointment if you get offered one place but not one of your favourite places. And then you're thinking, well this is gonna be a bit tricky in terms of making this work for my family for my personal circumstances, but I feel like I need to say yes to this because I'm so lucky.

Or, you know, so many other people want this, but actually you did want course A more than you wanted course B. And then likely your life will follow the path of course B. But not always. If you recognise that that's not for you, you can still say no, you know, it might feel like a cardinal sin to say no to a, a funded doctoral place that you still get to choose, you know, you still get to have a life that feels vibrant and full and worth living and like a bit of you, you know it's very difficult. It's very difficult. So yeah, I just wanted to let you know my heart is going out to you right now, whatever you're feeling. And of course if you have got a doctorate place and it's for a course that feels like a bit of you and gonna fit into your life either because you are gonna move your life to it or cos you're already within appropriate, safe travelling distances of it or you're just gonna make it fit, you know you're gonna do some Airbnb you know, three nights a week and you are thrilled then I'm so thrilled for you as well.

It's okay to celebrate as well. Even though others may not have been in the same fortuitous position as you, you are allowed to be super super. So yeah, if someone is saying, well you can't be upset cos you never had it, then you say, well I can be upset cuz I am upset cos I'm a human. So are you gonna sit with me as I'm upset? Are you gonna, you know, or are you gonna go away? I'll be upset by myself. You've got choices cos I'm feeling upset. You don't need to cheer me along, you don't need to distract me. You don't really need to cheer me up. This is disappointment and I will move through it, but right now I'm sitting with it cos I'm a human. And that's what we do. So I'm really hoping that all of you get the news that you want.

But obviously more of the personal stories for people that I've been involved with during this application season are people in my Aspiring Psychologist membership. And I just wanna take a moment to read you a little review about a session that someone attended recently. So this says so the question was does this, did this session better prepare you for your journey as an aspiring psychologist? And the answer was

"definitely I find the membership so helpful and it gives me more confidence that I can speak and formulate an answer on the spot!"

So if that feels like something that you have struggled with in the past, really, you know, getting everything you need to do to fully enrich your answers, to be able to get the depth of answers that you might well need for psychology interviews, then do please consider coming on board to the Aspiring Psychologist membership.

It's £30 a month, but there's no minimum term. So you can leave if you decide it's not for you. And if research is a tricky area for you, then don't worry, we've got that covered too. So when asked about our research about our research session whether it had been useful, somebody had said it was literally everything I could ask for when prepping for the research aspects of the interview, what is not to like. So yeah, if you feel like that would be useful, those two examples would be useful for you, then come on board, the water is lovely, but I do still of course am passionate about offering free support for you, whatever stage you are at in your journey. So these podcasts will remain and of course we've got the compassionate q and a that you can come along to live.

Dr Marianne Compassionate Q&A Dates

So we had Monday the 13th of March and that was the one that never actually happened. It did in fact happen on Tuesday the 14th of March. And you can catch that on my YouTube channel. Please do subscribe to my YouTube. Take a moment to just scroll to YouTube as you listen and subscribe to Dr. Marianne Trent. You can watch the replay there. But you can also come along for the live sessions via my socials, Dr. Marianne Trent. The next one is on Monday the 17th of April, 2023 at 7:30 PM Replay will be available if you can't make it. And the next one after that will be Tuesday, the 2nd of May, 2023 at 7:30 PM two. Please do bear in mind that the Clinical Psychologist collective book and the Aspiring Psychologist Collective books can be really useful prep for you in terms of thinking about how you are reflective and how you might appropriately share that at interview. So do bear that in mind.

So, I would love it if you would come and connect with me on my socials, Dr. Marianne Trent everywhere pretty much. And keep, keep me up to date with how you are doing right now. Let me know where you are at if you've got any ideas for future podcast episodes that might be useful for the stage of your career that you are at right now, then do please get in contact and let me know. Cos I want to make sure that this is really useful for you. Whatever stage of your journey you are at, do always remember that There's the free supervision shaping tool that you can access from my website as well, www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/supervision. Thank you so much for reading and being part of my world. I will look forward to catching up with you for our next episode, which is available from 6:00 AM on Monday. Take care

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