It's safe to be sad - even about grief

by Dr Marianne Trent

Sadness is a normal part of our human emotions and therefore sadness is going to get evoked sometimes. At different times of our lives for different reasons, sometimes seemingly for what might feel like no reason we're going to be sad because we always have ebbs and flows, and that’s absolutely ok. It's really important that we respect our sadness.

I've been to a funeral this week and it's sadness can absolutely be the overriding emotion there and I will admit to crying a little bit and that's okay. It’s safe for us to be sad, even if it does feel a little embarrassing at times, that's okay. Nobody judges us for sadness.

It's often us who judge ourselves, but it's important to remain compassionate. Some people aren't great at talking about Grief and that’s what led me to putting the grief collective book together. People don't wanna rock that boat. They don't wanna talk about the person that's died in case you are sad or in case you get upset and you make them cry. What people don't often realise about grief is that it's not them that's made you cry. It’s often nice to be seen, to feel heard, to be seen as important and maybe that evokes tears for you. It’s also nice if you are grieving for someone that they are bearing that person in mind as well and that they're thinking to check in with you and that sometimes can move people to tears and that's okay.

It's okay to ask people how they're doing.

If they are grieving, even if it's years later, it can feel wonderful for someone to say:

"How are things, how are you feeling about that at the moment?"

Try not to say, are you okay? Because people will often reply with yes. Try to make it more open ended as a question if that feels safe and comfortable to you.

Let me know what your thoughts and feelings are at the moment. When it comes to grief, are you experiencing the grief hangover that some people have reported in the wake of the Queens passing? Do let me know if you'd like some support with grief or wanting to know how to understand somebody who is grieving either in your professional or your personal capacity, do check out the grief collective book, which gets lovely reviews. You can find it on Amazon: The Grief Collective: Stories of Life, Loss & Learning to Heal.

Be kind to yourselves, lean into your sadness. That is absolutely okay. Take care.